Overcoming
Non-compliance
Sigh!!! I think this has been my Achilles Heel (Okay,
maybe not my only one)! Chase struggles
to comply with directives. He either
seems not to hear what I ask of him, downright disobedient, or says he can’t do
it – (“Mommy help me” seems to be one of his favorite phrases). I don’t mind helping – when he needs it, but
when he knows how to put his clothes on and he tells me he can’t, and “mommy
help me” it kind of falls on deaf ears.
Before I
attended my ABA training it took him almost an hour to put on his clothes. Now I turn on the timer (we have several that
we use) and tell him “Okay, when you get dressed you get to put a sticker on
your chart.” My, what a difference, he
now gets dressed in about four minutes flat!
What am I doing differently, you may ask? Well, following are five easy steps to
gaining better compliance (granted we aren’t 100%. Then again I’m not at 100% compliance to what
I need to do either, sigh! I guess that
is where they get it!).
Five Easy Steps
Give clear instructions.
- Avoid using the
phrase “Can you . . .” and “Do . . . Okay?”
This implies that they have a choice.
Say what you mean – if it isn’t a choice don’t give it to them!!
- Provide
directives with a neutral or positive manner.
My oldest bristles when he is told to do something – but I am more able
to get him to do it when I give the directive in a neutral or positive
voice. He doesn’t feel like he is being ordered
around (although in fact he is).
- Last but not
least - it is important to give clear and concise directions. I tend to be wordy (can you tell), it has
gotten me in trouble with my students and with my children. The more my directions are to the point the
better!
Use Please and
Thank You Carefully
When I told my
husband that we needed to refrain from saying please and thank you when giving
our kids directions he resisted big time.
“This world needs more please and thank you!” he argued. While I agree with him, I also learned
something important. When we say please
when giving our child directives they will get that mixed message of “Oh, this
is a choice.” Thank you also denotes
some choice. Then they think – “really,
I didn’t have to do it! Next time I’m
not gonna!” Does that mean please and
thank you become extinct from our vocabulary?
NOPE – just use them for those unexpected behaviors.
|
Yay, my room is clean! |
Instead of
saying “Thank You” give behavior-specific praise. Think about it. Which would you rather hear? “Chase, can you clean your room?” After it is done “Thank you.” Or “Chase, when you clean your room you get
to play with the ipad” Later, after the
room is clean – “Wow, you did an awesome job cleaning your room. You earned the ipad for 15 mintues.” Cool concept, eh!
Graduated
Exposure
This has been generally
used to gradually provide exposure to something that causes anxiety or fear in
someone. We have used graduated exposure
at the pool. Chase becomes overwhelmed
by the echoes of the indoor pool, the water lapping at his feet. Each time we go to the pool we start
slowly. We let him get comfortable with
the water while holding his hand. When
he was younger he would grasp us around the neck with all of his might. We waded into the water and help him. I sat in the water holding him until he let
go of my neck. He then settled into my
lap for a bit. Finally, usually about
the time to head home, he would start venturing out. Now this process is much faster. He holds on to my hand until he is
comfortable and then he just dives in.
Granted, it has to be no higher than his knees, but he is in the
water.
We are now
working on a different hurdle in our weekly lives. Chase struggles with the hour required to sit
quietly each Sunday during our Sacrament Meeting (some call it the Lord’s
Supper). We are working on slowly
increasing the amount of time he is required to sit, instead of making him jump
in head first. For the first 50 minutes
we will hang out in the foyer working on quiet behavior. The last 10 minutes we will sit in the back
of the chapel, and have the kids sit quietly either writing/drawing, or looking
at picture books. Once they have been
successful at this we will up it to 20 minutes.
Eventually we will be sitting the whole hour. Hopefully it won’t take a year for that, but
if it does – so be it.
Follow Through
The kids need
to know the rules, they need to have a say in the setting up of the rules, and
what happens when they are broken. Once the
rules are established and a directive is given it is imperative that I require
them to do it!I It also means that if I promise the kids something and THEY
follow through I have to be ready to provide said promise. Perfect example, I make sure the last sticker
that the kids earn doesn’t coincide with bedtime or when we have to leave for
school/church etc.
Offer Choices
Last but not
least, giving my kids choices has been a deal changer at our home. My kids, Chase in particular, love having
some control over their lives. For
example – when we work on homework I allow him to choose what we start
with. I allow my kids to choose what to
work on when we are doing chores. It surprises
me what they choose. My ten year old
wanted to dry the dishes instead of clear the table. OK – I’ll take the ten second job over drying
any day!!!! Unfortunately giving choices
has its drawbacks – my kids let me know if I forget to give them a choice, and
sometimes they will protest when a choice isn’t given to them (Like going to
bed! Hmmm, maybe I need to come up with
a choice for that too – NAH!!!)
Putting It All
Together
We’ve been
practicing these five steps on a daily basis.
We have three 30 minute sessions a week where we work on behaviors that
we are trying to improve. For the past
month we have been working on getting dressed.
Remember how it took an hour, now only 4 minutes. This is what it looked like at the beginning:
Mom: “Chase, when you have your underwear on do
you want to jump on the trampoline or do wheel barrows?”
Chase “Wheel
barrows.”
Mom: “Let’s try again. What do you want
to do?” (Since we are working on full sentences)
Chase” “I want to do wheel barrow.”
Mom, “Great job
telling me what you want to do.”
After the
wheelbarrows.
Mom: “Do you want to put on your shirt or pants
next?”
Chase: I want my pants.
Mom: Awesome,
when you have your pants you can jump on the trampoline or do the crab
walk. Which one do you want to do?
Chase: I want to do the crab walk.
After the crab
walk
Mom: Chase you are
doing such an awesome job putting on your clothes. What is next?
Chase: I want
my shirt.
And it went on.
Now it goes
like this:
Okay Chase – It’s
time to press the timer. If you beat the
timer you get to put a sticker on the chart.
How many more stickers do you need before you get the _________?
The
first thing he earned was play dough and a cutting tool. He then presses the timer and flies through
getting dressed. I gave a clear and
concise directive; I originally used a form of graduated exposure, now he just
does it. I expect him to follow through and
I offered choices. Getting dressed is
now not one of my top ten objectives of behavior changes. Now we get to focus on other stuff (although
we continue to stay on top of quickly getting dressed. We got lax the other day and he missed the
bus – BAD MOMMY!!!).